Scientific observations of the northern female biped

As the first flakes of winter drop down upon us, and we watch climatic temperatures drop below zero degrees centigrade, this curious scientist finds an interesting hidden behavior displayed in certain sub-species of the Northern Female Biped.

Discovered some time ago, the theorem in place it has finally come to fruition in my hypothesis that ceremonial garb called "pant-suits" have alternate usage.

We come upon the unwitting female midsummer, fashioned in cotton clothing with legs that have been hemmed to variant heights. She bares her leg flesh in the sunlight, as a form of camouflage from heckling predators. A female un-sunned receives taunting from males and females alike in the form of statements such as "ahh, you blinded me!" or "I think I need some sun glasses, your legs are glowing".

Finally by summer's end, leg skin at a flattering, non-flourescent level... a certain branch of the species enters into a metamorphasis growing their winter coat. Their ceremonial garb is exchanged for denim fabric, flannel lined khakis, and the obligatory 'pant-suit'. It has been noticed this sub-species is within the collection that have a consistant male in proximity. Single or hunting females seem to not require as much insulation.

At first glance the observation of extra clothing was passed off as a neccesity for maintaining core body temperature, however, it has a dual purpose as a coverup for ritual grooming practices belayed during the winter months. The surprising detail: a sub-species of Northern Female Biped does not follow the tribal rules, and they allow their legs to keep fur for the arctic chill.

There are some deviances from this behavior, the fur is removed for special occasions where a thin sheer fabric made of sythetic fibre is required to be awkwardly slithered into like a skinglaze. Visits to indoor group watering holes where most clothing is removed also require bare skin.

Should the Northern Male Biped wander into his personal waterhole and find it drained with a layer of black dark gritty substance upon a non-special occasion, this denotes red-bottomosity- much like the red bottom of the female baboon, flashing to show it's readiness to mate. (Curious to note, the Northern Male Biped has a similar mating ritual that involves standing under hot water and lathering a mass of soap upon himself).

With this theorum of non-shavence being proven upon the observed selection, one can draw the conclusion that it is not an isolated behavior. Brings me to the next question, how many pant-suit wearing Northern Female Bipeds choose their apparel by grooming or lack thereof; and is this why Sarah Palin chooses that attire on any given day?

That is part of being a scientist, answering questions... to discover more questions. Tune into the next segment regarding Northern Male Bipeds within winter seasons. It should be an enlightening adventure.